Small Victories

All of my work lately has involved extreme amounts of patience, grace, and delight in small victories.  I work at a boarding school for kids who've experienced trauma, been adopted, and are dealing with the consequential attachment disorders.  These kids are "at risk" for many things, the trauma they experienced altered their neurochemistry to help them cope so they could survive.  Long story short, they have some extra hurdles to overcome in life and require a little extra grace.  I absolutely love my job, I have thoroughly enjoyed getting to know the kids and reveled in their successes, no matter how small.  It's definitely hard sometimes to recognize success or victory when they come in tiny portions, but I'm beginning to be able to see them.  Tonight a student was struggling with homework, he didn't want to do it and was hoping someone else would do it for him, fortunately and unfortunately for him all he got was support as he worked through each problem.  No one would do his work for him, but we did tell him what a great job he was doing.  Eventually and begrudgingly, he finished his homework all on his own.  Although it was a frustrating process, there was a small victory in that he did it, all by himself proving that he is capable of something he didn't believe he was.

Another new development in my life - I adopted a dog (Khazar).  To be more exacted, I rescued an older, male husky with somewhat severe separation anxiety issues who also happens to be the sweetest, most loving dog I have ever met (and I've met a lot of dogs).  I've been binge-watching "Dog Whisperer with Cesar Millan" ever since I decided to adopt and one theory that Cesar constantly repeats is that we get the dog we need, not the dog we want.  The more I've thought on this, the more I've realized how true it is.  When I started looking for a dog, I wanted a younger, female dog.  As much as I love huskies, I was extremely wary of adopting one as my first dog considering how much energy and knowledge they require.  Regardless of what I wanted, I found Khazar and that was it for me, I knew he was the dog for me.  I've second-guessed that a lot lately as I've begun dealing with his many issues, but having mulled it over for quite some time I've realized that he is forcing me to grow, learn, practice relaxation, be a calm assertive leader, be patient, and recognize small victories.  Since arriving, Khazar has broken his kennel, escaped my apartment 4 times, learned to open doors, and developed issues with submissive/anxious urination where he leaks.  He has also shown me and everyone he meets unconditional love, been a wonderful running buddy, engendered affection in all who make his acquaintance (he is beloved by all on campus), and not run away in spite of escaping.  When he escapes he always, always, ALWAYS runs towards his people.  The first time he escaped he found friends in the neighbors, the second time he broke into the school to be with the students, the third time he found me at lunch, and the fourth time he found (and played with) the wonderful maintenance men who promptly installed a new, dog-proof lock on my door (I really do work at the most wonderful place).  Khazar's leaking is triggered when I leave him, the first time he did it was the night before I left for a long trip, the second time was the day I left when I dropped him off with friends, the third time was the day I returned (and had to leave him in order to go to school), and the fourth time was today after I left for lunch.  It's been extremely frustrating (and rather icky), but tonight I realized that his dripping stopped as soon as I allowed him to be with me in class (I'd put him outside because I didn't want him to make a mess in school).  It was the quickest resolution he'd had to this issue so far - small victory!  I think all this dog needs is time and consistency.  He's currently spending two hours a day with a student in school.  Tonight that student told me he really loves having Khazar during the day which THRILLED me because, in spite of his issues, Khazar is doing something good here at school, he is touching lives which is really all that matters.

With all of these new learning opportunities, I'm regularly being forced to not panic, keep a level head, and problem solve.  God has a plan!  He knows me and my struggles, He put me at this school and sent me this dog to force me to deal with them and not give up.  I'm just like the kid struggling with his homework, I regularly tell myself that I'm not capable of doing this, that I'm not good enough for this dog or these kids.  I'm also like the dog living in fear that I'm not loved and that I'm going to be abandoned, constantly seeking out ways to make myself feel better and find the love I crave.  God put these things in my life to show me that I am enough and I am loved.  Hopefully, with His help, I can keep this positive outlook as I face the many trials I'm sure are headed my way.  I know that where I am now is where I need to be, I don't need to keep looking for something better out of fear that I'm going to be rejected but rather trust that I am all that I need to be.