So I don't know if it's the time of year or some chemical imbalance in my brain, but lately I've been craving scary movies (although my scary movies aren't really all that scary, they're actually psychological thrillers, but what evs, same concept).
Whenever I watch these movies I typically rate the main character in my head in terms of cleverness/stupidity (then I rate the guy in terms of hotness...which in my case also includes cleverness/stupid but I digress). There are a lot of factors that go into this rating:
- Witty comebacks
- Good escape plans
- Not doing stupid things
- Not being overly brave/curious
- Not being a complete idiot
- Ability to escape a situation after being a complete idiot
- Rescuing others in a clever, non-impulsive manner
- Getting help at the right time
- Running fast (you would be shocked how many people jog instead of sprinting)
- Not going places alone - having back-up
- Catching on to what's actually going on
- Determination
- Stupidity in general
- Fighting ability
- Choice of friends and taste in men
Your ability to do/not do these things can save your life in a scary movie or it can get you killed, but there are other things that you should just generally avoid.
Things you shouldn't do when you are home alone (especially if you're a small female like myself):
- Stay home alone (use the buddy system, ask a well-trusted friend to stay with you; preferably a guy with martial arts training and bam! Most of your problems are solved right now, you can skip to the next list) - however if staying alone is unavoidable please keep reading
- Put on water for tea (bad things happen while you're filling your kettle...baaaad things my friends.
- Answer the phone (if they can't get ahold of you, they can't threaten you)
- Go to the window if you hear/see something outside (if you can't see it, it can't scare you)
- Go into a dark room/the basement if the lights won't turn on (just turn around, and leave the house)
- Leave doors unlocked (now that's just common sense)
- Answer the door (don't order take out, go get the food yourself)
- Invite people into your house (you don't know if they're a vampire, make 'em wait outside, but honestly you shouldn't even have answered the door in the first place).
- Be afraid/hesitate to call the police (if you think something's sketchy call the cops, keeping you safe is sorta what they're paid to do).
- Assume you're safe (always be prepared, but don't be paranoid).
- Cardio - if you need to get away fast you better be physically fit, you never know how far you're going to need to run
- However, if you're home alone don't go running on your own after dark, ESPECIALLY if you have to leave your house unattended to do so
- Don't answer the phone, especially if you don't recognize the number.
- Use the buddy system
- I'm all for girl power, but, in all honesty, if you're a small female, like myself, you're easy prey for just about anyone - take a guy with you
- If you can't physically take someone with you make sure a trusted friend/family member knows where you are so if you go missing someone will notice quickly and send help (always have a schedule - "if I'm not back by enter time here I'm probably in trouble, send help.")
- If someone is a serious threat to you don't hesitate to injure them so you can get away.
- For example, if you are being chased by a psychotic/sociopathic maniac who is intent on killing or detaining you and you have the opportunity to shoot him, don't hesitate (if you do he'll probably catch you, take your gun, then you're screwed).
- I realize that you don't want to kill anyone, no worries, you don't have to. Just shoot him in the knee-cap then he can't chase you anymore.
- Where sensible shoes (i.e. boots - they look AWESOME and you can still run really fast through the woods and be safe from ticks).
- Ditch your phone or turn off the ringer (the bad guy will have no problem finding you if your phone rings).
- If you have a well-thought-out plan you can use the ringer to your advantage and set a booby-trap to disarm or injure him, but your plan better be pretty fool-proof and you CANNOT hesitate
- If you do ditch your phone make sure you've called for help
- Check the backseat of your car before getting in
- If someone is back there with a gun or any other for of weapon you've just walked into a trap, good luck with that
- Think things through - make sure your idea isn't stupid before you act on it, typically impulsive is bad, instinctive is much better
- Don't run up or down stairs - there is no escape up/down there.
- Don't be an idiot
- Hysterics aren't going to help you
- Keep a level head, if you lose it, you're probably gonna die
- Don't run around with one shoe on and one shoe off
- Use your fear as fuel, otherwise it will shut you down
- Have good taste in men
- Sometimes hot guys are helpful but more than often they:
- Are douche-bags
- Are not the brightest
- Are way too into themselves to truly be concerned about you
- Get killed
- Don't underestimate the nerdy guy - often they're good friends and they can protect you just the same
- Don't entirely trust any guys though, some hot ones are douche-bags with date-rape intentions and some nerdy loner ones (who seem nice) are actually serial murderers - you kinda just have to trust your instincts here
- Trust you instincts - they're there for a reason and often-times they're spot on, if something seems off it probably is.
- Want to read a whole book on this subject? Try The Gift of Fear by Gavin DeBecker
- Don't be a hero - don't rush in and save the day, it won't help anyone if you get killed/captured too. Instead make a plan, get help, and save your friend with style.
- Always carry something that can be used as a weapon - your keys will work
- Yes I stole this (and a few others from Zombieland) but double-tap - make sure your attacker is down before you come too close
- Be prepared for anything
- Don't forget to S.I.N.G. - solarplexus, instep, nose, groin (I would like to amend eyes - people are much less intimidating after they've been poked in the eye)
- Be loyal to your friends, you would want them to help you
- If you think someone's behind you turn around with the intent to injure
- If you think someone's behind you it's probably because there's someone behind you, trust your instincts
- If you get that feeling and don't want to turn around simply take off sprinting away from them
- Know your surroundings
- You never know what may be hiding (i.e. deadly farm equipment, sinkholes, frightening-but-not-harmful scarecrows, rakes, etc.)
- Look up
That's all I can think of right now, I'm sure there's more, but I don't feel like writing more at this particular point in time.
To study up on how to survive a scary movie I suggest watching
- Zombieland (excellent set of rules - see above)
- Elsewhere
- The Glass House
- Push (not scary, but does emphasize the importance of a good plan)
- Veronica Mars (not a movie, but she's clever in ways that are applicable)
- If your house seems haunted, don't investigate, MOVE!
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