Life Choices

Choosing what to do with your life is incredibly hard and can make graduating college a terrifying ordeal.  I've learned some things in the recent months while I was going through a panic-stricken-no-one-will-ever-want-me-what-do-I-even-want job hunt.  I know people say not to worry about it, you don't have to stay at your first job forever, just settle for a while, you will eventually find what you're meant to do, something will [just magically] turn up, blah blah blah.  None of that advice is particularly helpful, it tells you what to do, but not what you want to do.  Most of us grads aren't sure what we want, we just know we don't want to be miserable.  Here is my advice that I've gathered from a variety of reputable sources:

1. Pray about it - God has a purpose for us that only we can fulfill, if we devote our lives to him and let go of our own plans, he will gladly show us the way.
2. What did you want to do when you were ten?  Does that still interest you?  Is there anyway to work in that field or make that dream a reality?  Explore your options.
3. Make a list of reasons why you like to do the things you like.  Are motives or actions more important?  Think on that.
4. Ask other people what they think you're good at doing.  We are our own worst critics, sometimes we have a hard time discerning our own gifts.
5. Ask yourself what you would do if you could do anything.  It never hurts to put yourself out there.  Why not try for your dream?

We really don't have to know right now, but there is so much pressure on us to have our lives planned out that people seem insincere when they inform us of this fact.  It is indeed a fact.  We don't have to know, and in reality, we have know way of truly knowing what we're meant to do until we happen upon it.  Life wasn't made to be so stressful, it was made to be lived.

Oscar Picks (because I'm a Girl)

We're going to do this two ways: 1) Who I think should win (or want to win for my own selfish reasons), 2) Who I think will win and/or 3) If they're they same film (commonly used when I haven't seen any of the films and/or don't care)

Best Picture
American Sniper – Clint Eastwood, Robert Lorenz, Andrew Lazar, Bradley Cooper and Peter Morgan, Producers
Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)- Alejandro G. Iñárritu, John Lesher and James W.Skotchdopole, Producers
Boyhood - Richard Linklater and Cathleen Sutherland, Producers
The Grand Budapest Hotel – Wes Anderson, Scott Rudin, Steven Rales and Jeremy Dawson, Producers
The Imitation Game - Nora Grossman, Ido Ostrowsky and Teddy Schwarzman, Producers
Selma – Christian Colson, Oprah Winfrey, Dede Gardner and Jeremy Kleiner, Producers
The Theory of Everything – Tim Bevan, Eric Fellner, Lisa Bruce and Anthony McCarten, Producers
Whiplash - Jason Blum, Helen Estabrook and David Lancaster, Producers

Performance by an actor in a leading role
Steve Carell in Foxcatcher
Bradley Cooper in American Sniper
Benedict Cumberbatch in The Imitation Game
Michael Keaton in Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)
Eddie Redmayne in The Theory of Everything

Performance by an actor in a supporting role
Robert Duvall in “The Judge”
Ethan Hawke in “Boyhood”
Edward Norton in “Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)”
Mark Ruffalo in “Foxcatcher”
J.K. Simmons in “Whiplash”

Performance by an actress in a leading role
Marion Cotillard in “Two Days, One Night”
Felicity Jones in “The Theory of Everything”
Julianne Moore in “Still Alice”
Rosamund Pike in “Gone Girl”
Reese Witherspoon in “Wild”

Performance by an actress in a supporting role
Patricia Arquette in “Boyhood”
Laura Dern in “Wild”
Keira Knightley in “The Imitation Game”
Emma Stone in “Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)”
Meryl Streep in “Into the Woods” 

Best animated feature film of the year
“Big Hero 6” Don Hall, Chris Williams and Roy Conli
“The Boxtrolls” Anthony Stacchi, Graham Annable and Travis Knight
“How to Train Your Dragon 2” Dean DeBlois and Bonnie Arnold
“Song of the Sea” Tomm Moore and Paul Young
“The Tale of the Princess Kaguya” Isao Takahata and Yoshiaki Nishimura

Achievement in cinematography
“Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)” Emmanuel Lubezki
“The Grand Budapest Hotel” Robert Yeoman
“Ida” Lukasz Zal and Ryszard Lenczewski
“Mr. Turner” Dick Pope
“Unbroken” Roger Deakins

Achievement in costume design
“The Grand Budapest Hotel” Milena Canonero
“Inherent Vice” Mark Bridges
“Into the Woods” Colleen Atwood
“Maleficent” Anna B. Sheppard and Jane Clive
“Mr. Turner” Jacqueline Durran

Achievement in directing
“Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)” Alejandro G. Iñárritu
“Boyhood” Richard Linklater
“Foxcatcher” Bennett Miller
“The Grand Budapest Hotel” Wes Anderson
“The Imitation Game” Morten Tyldum

Best documentary feature 
“CitizenFour” Laura Poitras, Mathilde Bonnefoy and Dirk Wilutzky
“Finding Vivian Maier” John Maloof and Charlie Siskel
“Last Days in Vietnam” Rory Kennedy and Keven McAlester
“The Salt of the Earth” Wim Wenders, Juliano Ribeiro Salgado and David Rosier
“Virunga” Orlando von Einsiedel and Joanna Natasegara

Best documentary short subject
“Crisis Hotline: Veterans Press 1” Ellen Goosenberg Kent and Dana Perry
“Joanna” Aneta Kopacz
“Our Curse” Tomasz Sliwinski and Maciej Slesicki
“The Reaper (La Parka)” Gabriel Serra Arguello
“White Earth” J. Christian Jensen

Achievement in film editing
“American Sniper” Joel Cox and Gary D. Roach
“Boyhood” Sandra Adair
“The Grand Budapest Hotel” Barney Pilling
“The Imitation Game” William Goldenberg
“Whiplash” Tom Cross

Best foreign language film of the year
“Ida” Poland
“Leviathan” Russia
“Tangerines” Estonia
“Timbuktu” Mauritania
“Wild Tales” Argentina

Achievement in makeup and hairstyling
“Foxcatcher” Bill Corso and Dennis Liddiard
“The Grand Budapest Hotel” Frances Hannon and Mark Coulier
“Guardians of the Galaxy” Elizabeth Yianni-Georgiou and David White

Achievement in music written for motion pictures (Original score)
“The Grand Budapest Hotel” Alexandre Desplat
“The Imitation Game” Alexandre Desplat
“Interstellar” Hans Zimmer
“Mr. Turner” Gary Yershon
“The Theory of Everything” Jóhann Jóhannsson

Achievement in music written for motion pictures (Original song)
“Everything Is Awesome” from “The Lego Movie”
Music and Lyric by Shawn Patterson
“Glory” from “Selma”
Music and Lyric by John Stephens and Lonnie Lynn
“Grateful” from “Beyond the Lights”
Music and Lyric by Diane Warren
“I’m Not Gonna Miss You” from “Glen Campbell…I’ll Be Me”
Music and Lyric by Glen Campbell and Julian Raymond
“Lost Stars” from “Begin Again”
Music and Lyric by Gregg Alexander and Danielle Brisebois

Achievement in production design
“The Grand Budapest Hotel” Production Design: Adam Stockhausen; Set Decoration: Anna Pinnock
“The Imitation Game” Production Design: Maria Djurkovic; Set Decoration: Tatiana Macdonald
“Interstellar” Production Design: Nathan Crowley; Set Decoration: Gary Fettis
or
“Into the Woods” Production Design: Dennis Gassner; Set Decoration: Anna Pinnock
“Mr. Turner” Production Design: Suzie Davies; Set Decoration: Charlotte Watts

Best animated short film
“The Bigger Picture” Daisy Jacobs and Christopher Hees
“The Dam Keeper” Robert Kondo and Dice Tsutsumi
“Feast” Patrick Osborne and Kristina Reed
“Me and My Moulton” Torill Kove
“A Single Life” Joris Oprins

Best live action short film
“Aya” Oded Binnun and Mihal Brezis
“Boogaloo and Graham” Michael Lennox and Ronan Blaney
“Butter Lamp (La Lampe Au Beurre De Yak)” Hu Wei and Julien Féret
“Parvaneh” Talkhon Hamzavi and Stefan Eichenberger
“The Phone Call” Mat Kirkby and James Lucas

Achievement in sound editing
“American Sniper” Alan Robert Murray and Bub Asman
“Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)” Martín Hernández and Aaron Glascock
“The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies” Brent Burge and Jason Canovas
“Interstellar” Richard King
“Unbroken” Becky Sullivan and Andrew DeCristofaro

Achievement in sound mixing
“American Sniper” John Reitz, Gregg Rudloff and Walt Martin
“Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)” Jon Taylor, Frank A. Montaño and Thomas Varga
“Interstellar” Gary A. Rizzo, Gregg Landaker and Mark Weingarten
“Unbroken” Jon Taylor, Frank A. Montaño and David Lee
“Whiplash” Craig Mann, Ben Wilkins and Thomas Curley

Achievement in visual effects
“Captain America: The Winter Soldier” Dan DeLeeuw, Russell Earl, Bryan Grill and Dan Sudick
“Dawn of the Planet of the Apes” Joe Letteri, Dan Lemmon, Daniel Barrett and Erik Winquist
“Guardians of the Galaxy” Stephane Ceretti, Nicolas Aithadi, Jonathan Fawkner and Paul Corbould
“Interstellar” Paul Franklin, Andrew Lockley, Ian Hunter and Scott Fisher
“X-Men: Days of Future Past” Richard Stammers, Lou Pecora, Tim Crosbie and Cameron Waldbauer

Adapted screenplay
“American Sniper” Written by Jason Hall
“The Imitation Game” Written by Graham Moore
“Inherent Vice” Written for the screen by Paul Thomas Anderson
“The Theory of Everything” Screenplay by Anthony McCarten
“Whiplash” Written by Damien Chazelle

Original screenplay
“Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)” Written by Alejandro G. Iñárritu, Nicolás Giacobone, Alexander Dinelaris, Jr. & Armando Bo
“Boyhood” Written by Richard Linklater
“Foxcatcher” Written by E. Max Frye and Dan Futterman
“The Grand Budapest Hotel” Screenplay by Wes Anderson; Story by Wes Anderson & Hugo Guinness
“Nightcrawler” Written by Dan Gilroy

Into the Woods

I am a heathen who had not seen the play or read the book (I think there is a book) before seeing the film, but I am still entitled to my opinion which is that the film was AMAZING, the best fairy tale of all - a very modern and realistic take on stories we all know.  The most common critique of the film I hear is "that was weird," I agree, but in a less negative manner.  People think the film was weird because it's not a stereotypical singing-in-perfect-harmony-whilst-riding-off-into-the-sunset-feel-good-happy-ending, it goes beyond the happy ending of fulfilled wishes and delves into the consequences those wishes and the harsh realities of life.  In real life people shouldn't get married without at least having one complete conversation (or, you know, spending time to get to know each other), they also shouldn't steal or accidentally murder people (even giants, who are people too), they should use common sense when traveling through dangerous places, they shouldn't kiss random people they meet in the woods (especially when both parties are married), they shouldn't trust sketchy strangers who offer candy to children, nor should they compromise their morals to fulfill a wish.  These are the kinds of things children should learn!  Don't get their hopes up, encourage them to enjoy childhood because it's actually pretty awesome (and the world is not always), remind them that life has ups and downs, happy endings are what you make them, and wishes come true, not free.

The film is not what most people (who like me have not seen the play) are expecting.  If you go see it I encourage you to watch it without expectations and with an open mind.  Allow yourself to enjoy the sheer talent of each and every individual involved in its production, because everyone involved is beyond fantastic!  This film is very funny (dark, dry humor which I love), well-done, and thought-provoking; I whole-heartedly recommend that you see it.  Enjoy!

Knock It Off

Today I'm going to rant about one of my greatest pet peeves: the cattiness of women and their resulting inability to accept each other.  I'm not going to lie, I've been guilty of this jealousy-fueled act of nonacceptance.  I'm the first to admit I'm not in love with my body, I'm constantly at war with myself about weight loss, I don't like the way I look or feel and I want to change it.  I find it impossible to accept myself as I am, which is a very bad thing, and I am not alone.  This is a problem most women grapple with regardless of their size.  Part of this is due to our perfectionistic culture that is constantly telling us we can be better than we are, and part of this is due to our willingness to buy into it.  We believe that we aren't good enough so we take it out on the people we think have what we want; we feel the need to knock them down a peg so that we feel better about ourselves.  Guess what!?!  We aren't other people and other people aren't us - we are all different and that is a beautiful thing!  How about we all start appreciating each other for who we are, not what we look like and stop instantly sizing each other up for judgement.  That girl you're bigger than probably doesn't think you're a fat cow unworthy of her attention, she's probably a nice person who would make you a cup of tea and try to get to know you (unless she's Regina George, if that's the case, don't worry, she'll get hers).  That other girl who's perhaps a bit heftier than you probably doesn't think you're a skinny twit who hates everyone, she would probably take you to coffee and want to know more about your life.  So let's quit treating each other like crap and start at least acknowledging that we are all muddling through the sticky trap of life together and treat each other with decency that fellow humans deserve.

That being said, let's talk about "Skinny Hate."  Yes some people like to rag on women who are thinner than the norm, and praise more "full-figured" women for not starving themselves.  Note to those people, some people have really fast metabolisms that don't allow them to gain weight easily, just like some people have slower metabolisms that make it hell for them to lose weight - the road goes both ways, get over it!  Other women are required to eat diets that make weight gain difficult and weight loss overly easy due to MEDICAL REASONS.  Other women are athletes and their svelte figures are the product of their professions.  Yet others like maintaining a lower weight, as long as this is done healthfully this is completely fine (and if a woman is keeping her weight done unhealthfully she needs your LOVE and SUPPORT, not your criticism)!  All of these reasons are completely fine, so lay off, you're ruining it for the rest of us who just want to be able to accept our body sizes without being accused of being a skinny hater.  That's right thinner people, not all of us who don't feel the need to be as thin as you hate you, some of us just want to feel ok in our own bodies.  There is no happy medium anymore!  I can't be thin because then I'm unhealthy or a sell-out and I can't not want to lose weight because then I'm a "skinny-hater,"  what does that leave for me to be?  Unhappy, depressed, anxious, and angry.  I can't win, no one can!

Back to the beginning now, knock it off!  If a woman says she's happy with her body, support her!  If she says she's unhappy with her body, talk to her about it, love her and support her!  Stop calling people too thin and too fat and just accept them for who and how they are.  This is all becoming very cliche so I'm going to cut myself off now.

 

Why I Am a Terrible Person (as Illustrated by the Cast of Parks and Rec)

Where to begin... I haven't really blogged in over a year...

Right now I am extremely frustrated with life in general (college will do that to you).  I've realized as of late that from the age of five till we finished college, our entire purpose is to train for a job.  Work is the end-all be-all of life according to our training, both educational and societal.  In order to be successful we must complete our training and find a "good" job that people will admire becuase we are making booku (buku...bookoo....boocoo...bucu....who cares) bucks.  We are expected to know what we want to do and have a clear plan of how to get there.  This is incredibly frustrating for people whose majors don't have their future job in the name (i.e. Nursing, Education, Business, etc.).  My major is Criminal Justice, a field in which I now have little desire to work because the system seems to be irreconcilably broken making me feel rather screwed in the job hunt.  I realize that most people don't end up working in their field of study and it's not what you know, it's who you know, but I find that incredibly irritating as it makes college seem like an incredible waste of time and money.  Not to say I didn't learn valuable skills in college, but probably not $115,000 worth of valuable skills....I might have rather just had the $115,000 with some entrepreneurial spirit on the side.



I am currently on the job hunt and having spent the day reading job descriptions and writing cover letters....



Hopefully someone bites, but I've been trying for a while now with 0 luck so my confidence is pretty much gone.

Back to why I'm a horrible person.  Being as I have no boyfriend, no life-plan, no full-time job, problems with anxiety and depression, no house/apartment of my own, and no dog, despite people's assurances that I have plenty of time to find these things, I'm growing rapidly bitter.  My bitterness has grown to the point where I am failing to be happy for the happy people.  As their lives come together and they begin to figure things out, I remain clueless and left behind and although I desperately want the be the supportive friend who shares in their lives, I cannot, mostly I just get irritated (thus I am a terrible person).  I think most of the irritation is directed at myself for not being able to get my ducks in a row whilst other people my age or younger have their ducks, chickens, and ocelots in such neat rows they practically have a marching band.  What is wrong with me!?  Well, lot's of things, but that's a story for another day...or never.  Also, even though I know it's not their intention (their intention is to share part of their life with me like good friend's do) when the marching band people tell me about all the crazy random happenstances in their lives that I am nowhere near achieving, I kind of feel...




Yes, I'm very mature, the maturest.  Sometimes I get so bad that I straight up...



Honestly, I think I just need to curl up in a ball, blast some melancholy music and cry for a little bit, then maybe Spring will come and I can go outside for some vitamin D again.

Part of my problem is I find too many things interesting and can't decide on one of them to pursue, part of that is due to fear.  People often ask (maybe not that often) if you could do anything, what would you do?  For me, training horses is my dream career.  When I tell people that, I am often met with responses such as "Ooh, that's nice," "There is no money in that business," "Isn't that a difficult market to break into?" "What will you do for insurance?"  and the list goes on.  Long story short, very scary career choice to pursue.  Other things I enjoy include fitness, almost anything medical, problem-solving, singing, acting, and sarcasm.  Why did you quit nursing then ya dingus!?  Well, nursing wasn't quite for me, I'm more of a treat-em and street-em type of person (EMS would have been better, but I "had to have a 4-year").  I sometimes regret not sticking with nursing, at least then I would have had a career with a name.  I digress.

Lot's of people tell me I'm going to have to settle for something I won't like (i.e. repetitive desk jobs where you are basically part of a human assemble line) in order to pay the bills.  My response....



I may settle, but if I settle too far into my discomfort zone, at some point life is not going to seem worth it anymore, I know this from shorter stints in such jobs.  Apparently I'm too weak to hack it.

Let's leave this depressing pit we seem to have fallen into...but how to get out, it's kind of where I'm at.  I'm tired of people telling me happiness is impossible or happiness is a choice.  I'm pretty sure happiness is a feeling not entirely in our control, plus everyone is different, it's not quite so easy for some people to simply smell the flowers and feel better, not all flowers smell good, and not all of us enjoy flowers.

I realize I need to complain a little less and do a little more, but venting is also helpful sometimes, and I really needed to get all of that out there.  I think I need to move, I need a change for sure.  I'm not ready to be an adult...



...but it's unavoidable and if I must, then I need to find a job and a place to live where I can get a dog (so at least someone will love me regardless of how terrible I am) so I can start to move forward with my life.

Sorry, I'm not sorry about all the ranting, you chose to read it after all (kudos to you).  The Parks and Rec thing did not start out purposefully but ended up working out.  If you do not watch that show you should probably start.  If you have watched the show and didn't like it, we may need to rethink our friendship (if we even had one, who knows, you might be a complete stranger).