Basic anatomy of a Chick Flick:
- Meet-cute
- Attraction/repulsion => love/hate relationship
- Friendship
- More than Friendship (romance and shenanigans)
- Secret-keeping
- Height of closeness/love
- Secret-outage
- ANGSTY PART
- Lowest Point => heart poured out
- Happy Ending
Let us begin by discussing how to get into a chick flick situation:
- Be some sort of cook/chef/baker
- Katherine Heigl is always cooking or baking and she attracts romance like a hotdog attracts seagulls
- Annie (Kristin Wiig) of Bridesmaids was a baker
- If you can cook, he knows you'll be able to make him a sandwich
- Hang out in coffee shops or bars
- Hanging out in such places looking hot makes you look sophisticated and fun
- Wear designer clothing all the time
- That's what the ladies in the movies do
- Can't afford designer clothing? That's unfortunate, good luck finding love (<=sarcasm)
- Be tall and leggy (Well I'm screwed at 5'2")
- Let's list all the tall people:
- Katherine Heigl
- Jennifer Lawrence
- Jessica Alba
- Anne Hathaway
- Jessica Biel
- Jennifer Aniston
- Cameron Diaz
- And the list goes on
- If you insist on being short you must be absolutely travel-size small, for example:
- Mila Kunis
- Kristin Bell
- Anna Kendrick
- Alexa Vega
- Natalie Portman
- Don't be looking for love (perhaps you should even disdain men because you have recently been scorned by one)
- If you are looking for love, don't expect to end up with your crush (ex. 27 Dresses, Life as We Know It, pretty much any Katherine Heigl movie)
- You always end up with what you weren't looking for
- Be clever, witty, and a little snarkasstic (snarky, smart ass-y, and sarcastic)
- Be able to role with his punches
- Outwitting him will never scare him off, it's actually very impressive
- Sassy is actually spelled s-e-x-y
- Be clumsy or have some other adorable little flaw
- Pretty self-explanatory
- Ex. Jessica Alba's clumsiness in Good Luck Chuck
- Be smart (as in intelligent)
- Emma Stone plays a law student grad/lawyer in Crazy Stupid Love and she got Ryan Gosling
- Mila Kunis is a successful business headhunter in Friends With Benefits
- Katherine Heigl is a successful entrepreneur in Life as We Know It
- Cameron Diaz works on Wallstreet in What Happens in Vegas
- Be confident (or adorably shy if that's your little flaw)
- It's very intriguing
- Be funny in actions or retorts
- This will increase your entertainment value making him more likely to want to know you
- Have make-up tattooed to your face so you wake up every day looking like a Victoria's Secret Model (your hair must also be similarly perfect at every moment)
- No woman, in any chick flick ever looks ugly/un-made-up, what is their secret!?
- Be a runner
- Nothing says sexy like being sweaty and out of breath
- Start out as friends, become best friends
- Go out for drinks
- Go out to dinner and a movie (let him impress you with his restaurant connections)
- Share ice cream
- Watch sports together
- Share clever inside jokes with each other
- Don't be clingy
- Be totally ok with who you are and who he is (but still tease each other with stuff)
- Do "bro stuff" with him - exercise, sports (participation), paintball, video games, etc.
- Witty banter
- Fun fun fun
Want to avoid that?
Absolutely, under no circumstances, are you to keep any secrets from him. Be open and honest in everything; he'll surely understand. If he kept a secret from you, listen to what he has to say with an open mind and try not to be too emotional. However, if you must put some distance between the two of you be comforted in the knowledge that he'll probably chase you down and pour his heart out to you when you're at your lowest point (so no worries).
The End.
Note: Don't take any of my suggestions too literally, most of them are dripping with sarcasm.
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