It's everything and nothing, all the things and none of them. I want to leave, and I'm afraid to leave. The known has become unknown. I don't like the unknown. I'm scared the familiar won't recognise me. I'm full of unknowable stress, and I'm so tired.
I've been reading old blog posts, and I seem to have come full-circle. There was a night early on in my adventure here where I had a similar mental breakdown for some unplaceable reason (probably stemming from homesickness and being overwhelmed by newness). Well I'm there again. I just want to curl up in a ball and not move til it's time to head to the airport...
Then I went to bed....
....and got up early this morning....
......went for a run.......
...tried to study........
.........cut that out.............
....decided today is a good day to bake.......
...and here I am again. I'm in such a weird mood, I feel like I could easily burst into tears at any moment if I'm allowed to think for too long. I really am sad to leave England, but I am SO ready to be with my family again. It doesn't even feel like Christmas yet - it's 57 degrees and sunny, it feels like Spring. I just want to forget everything else and enjoy the season...the Christmas one. Unfortunately for me my last final won't end til 7pm...tomorrow. Here is how I feel about that:
The face, not the getting naked part. P.S. That scene is why books aren't superior in all aspects to films.
I'm so over it, which is not the best state of mind to have before finals...oh well. I will get through tomorrow and enjoy my last day in Canterbury.
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